The last couple months my depression has gotten so much better.  It has been about a month since I have felt the weight of exhaustion when I'm not physically tired.  When all I could think about was sleeping as soon as I got home.  Or since I have dragged my body through every task and felt no enjoyment in doing anything.

It's been great.  I have alot of energy and I enjoy doing things.

However....my anxiety is sky high.  I am jumpy and antsy.  My mind races over the most trivial things and I am trying to solve problems that don't have answers.  I scare easily.  A sudden noise or movement can send my heart thumping hard.  I am starting to get scared of things that may or may not even happen. Something as serious as falling down the stairs to as simple as a book sliding off the table.

I talked to Jaime about this today.  Its a bummer to feel so good one on hand and on the other... so unsettled in my mind.

It's very uncomfortable.

She reminded me of an experience I had a month or two ago.
 I saw two riders crash.
 Right in front of me.
 One was my son.
 It was terrifying. Even though they were not injured...it was traumatic.
She said I may be going through PTSD.
I told her I hardly think about it anymore.  I don't see it in my mind like I did the weeks following the crash.
And what does that have to do with worrying about how many tomatoes I will need to make 10 quarts of sauce?
That's what my mind was rolling over for a good 20 minutes last night preventing me from sleeping.
Nonsense.
She said that may be something else.
But the jumpiness,  my heart pounding could be systems of PTSD.
So I said...now what?
She said it usually takes a good two or three months for your brain to return to a "normal" state after experiencing a traumatic situation.
Until then she gave me some coping techniques.
And as far as my mind racing...she is holding off on adding another medication just yet.  Because my mind is feeling better and less full of doom and gloom, I may be subconsciously  filling my mind with menial problems. Because deep down I want to solve things and make everything better and when I don't have anything to "fix" I feel uncomfortable.
I don't buy it.
I feel uncomfortable NOW.
I don't want to fix anything.
But I'll wait.  She gave me some suggestions on how to calm my mind a bit.   Remember to breathe deep and not just at night.  She also told me to suck on peppermints.
She said they help clear the mind sometimes.
I wish it would have been chocolate.
Although if that was the case my mental health wouldn't not even be a issue.  I would be as happy as a boy on a dirt bike.  

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