Sometimes....I try to create something.....

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This little boy here?




He's my nephew.




And more then anything....





He loves his cars.

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This floor in my office kind of represents the way I've been feeling the last few weeks.  Messy, cluttered and to overwhelmed to do anything so I just shut the door.

Last weekend I finally started coming out of my slump.  Monday I felt amazing.  I can't tell you how happy I was to finally feel.....happy!

I have let everything go because I didn't have the mind power and energy to do anything.  So first things first....I tackled my closet.




Everything was so packed  I could barely move the hangers.
I couldn't find anything.


So I took everything out of my closet.




Why hello there!  I've been looking for you!



Who are you and what are you doing in my closet?


The floor of my closet was as I expected.


I went through each piece of clothing and decided whether to keep it or not.
I only ended up with two bags for goodwill.  I should have had three.

Or ten.

Here are the "afters".  Probably hard to tell the difference but I assure you...there is a difference.


Shirts on top.


Skirts on bottom.


And there is a little section of outfits that I put together for when I'm in a hurry.

Let's go back to that messy office floor.



My desk looked just as bad.



It took me about ten hours total to go through all the piles but I finally did it.




I have so many other projects to complete.

The biggest one is to get my new computer figured out.  Long story short...it will connect to the Internet when plugged in to the modem but the wireless won't work.

So I'm using my old one.  Except for...I got a new phone and my pictures won't download on my old computer now.

That's the reason why my 365 page is way past due for a update.

There's another project for me.

I also need to transfer all my pictures and documents from my old computer to my new one.

Then there are the even bigger projects....

Go through all my photo albums and organize.

Make my recipe book.

Make binders for the boys' keepsakes.

All I really want to do is make some art for my guest room.

And blog about my new pantry.

And make some cards.

And  scour Etsy for creative ideas.

And take a nap.

I guess for now I will be happy that I completed two projects.

And by happy....I mean happy.  

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I miss some parts of the old me. 
I miss being organized. 
I miss having the energy to clean up after dinner, scrub the kitchen floor, do two loads of laundry and read a fourth of a book all before nine o'clock. 
I miss always responding to emails the day they arrived in my inbox. 
I miss throwing really big, fun parties. 
I miss entertaining in general. 
I miss being there for people.  Reaching out to people.  Helping people. 
Now I'm the one being helped. 

I was able to be the person above for so long.  It was easy for awhile.  Then it got frustrating.  I tried to maintain.  That was who I was. 

But then I cracked.  Fell apart.  Drowned.  I lost myself. 

And it was all I could do to get dressed in the morning. 

I'm better now.  But I'm not the same. 

And that is a grief that leaves me feeling hollow and empty some days. 

Because I want to do all those things.  I think about it all the time.  But then my head starts feeling heavy and my chest begins to burn and I remember that I'm not that girl anymore. 

Some days....I really miss her. 

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On Thursday I left for Seattle with the boss.  We made a quick stop and then headed to the Chihuly Boathouse.  I'm not sure why they call it a Boathouse.  It's a studio.  And I never saw a boat. 

My boss loves Chihuly's art.  The boathouse is where the glass is blown.





It was really incredible to watch.








There was a few exhibits in the studio. 

Guess who stopped by?  Dale Chihuly himself.



I think I am getting bold in my old age.  I would never EVER have asked to get my picture taken with someone a few years ago.  Or maybe it's the crazy in me that is making me bold.

We headed to the Seattle Center to see the Chihuly Garden and Glass Exhibit. 






It was cold and rainy (in Seattle?!?!?  Shocking!!)  So we didn't linger to much outside.  The gardens were beautiful and the inside exhibits were breathtaking. 

It sure would have been nice to edit and make these pictures larger.  Unfortunately....this is my new computer and a source of huge irritation to me right now.  I am forcing myself to use it.  So I guess you get small, unedited pictures for now. 

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* I have reading glasses now.  Just when I'm tired.



*  I am getting over the worst cold I have ever had in my life.  So most of my 365 pictures from the past few days are while I was in bed.

*  Because I've been sick, I can't really tell if my new pill is working or not.  My head is still full and my body aches so it's hard to say.  I really REALLY hope that when I feel better, that I will FEEL better.  


*  My office is a disaster.  That's enough to make me depressed.



*  My husband knows I've been struggling.  He's the best ever.






*  My boys (that includes husband) have been waiting for months, MONTHS for this race.  Unfortunately a NON favorite won.  Oh well.  There is another one next weekend.  I represented.  My three riders are the first three!  Keith = Honda   Darren = Kawasaki   Micah = Suzuki




*  I got a new computer.  It's the same brand as my old one.  I thought that would make it simpler.  Sadly, Windows 8 is not so simple.  For me anyway.  I'm very frustrated with it.  So at the moment....


*  I'm more excited about the case then the computer.


*  I leave with the boss for Arizona on Thursday.  I really hope I am a hundred percent by then.  At least physically.  Mentally....as long as I'm not worse....then I'll be OK.

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