My mom saw this picture frame and thought of me.  
I was to lazy to find a picture right away so I found the "you are my sunshine" paper  in my scrapbook stash.
It makes me happy every time I look at it.
Thank you so much mom.  For thinking of me.



This picture is deceiving.  It sort of makes my desk look organized.

Ha!


The floor is messy too.


Disaster city.  First goal of 2014 is to clean my office.

In the meantime....I will smile every time I see my happy frame amidst the chaos.
Thanks again Ma!

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I haven't felt good in weeks.  Or has it been months?  I've lost track.  I don't REMEMBER when I felt good. Hows that?
I feel like I have a brick resting on each shoulder.
I feel like my head is full of cotton.  It's stuffed so full I can taste it.
I feel like someone is sitting on my chest.
My heart is pounding in my throat.
There is an itch behind my eyes that I cannot scratch.
Everything is one big irritation.  Voices.  My clothes.  Charging up my phone.  Waiting for water to boil.
It all makes my chest burn.
And I am so very tired.

I saw my doctor today.  Actually she is a physicians assistant.  But she is better then any doctor that I have ever seen.  She told me that prescribing me more medication is out of her "comfort zone." She referred me to a psychiatrist.  Someone who is better equipped to manage my prescriptions.  I started to cry.
 
"You mean I'm not going to get any new meds today?"

She said, "No.  But let's walk up to the front desk together and make sure you get in to see him tomorrow."

She assured me that I will feel better.  That he will find the right "mix" of drugs so that I will feel human again.

It's so fun going through my depression history with someone new!  I can't wait!  The other fun part is starting a new drug and waiting to see what side effects will settle in.  Some will disappear in a few days and others stay forever.
 
My family has been amazing through all this.  I yelled at Micah today for no reason other then  I was irritated and lack patience.
I apologized.
His response was so sweet.
Which made me feel even worse for being who I am.
This is such a awful cycle.
I could go on and on.
But I'm to tired.
Hopefully I will have a few answers tomorrow.  Some hope at least.  That someday soon I will feel like myself again.

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I have no idea why I couldn't download pictures the other night but apparently the problem fixed itself.  So that spot on this ole blog is current.  It's not my favorite thing to do.
So you better appreciate it!  
Haha.
Seriously though....After I hit the year mark....I'm not sure if I will keep it up.  I like the idea and I like looking back at some of the pictures.
But it's alot of work.
I was really behind this week. So I had to go through all my pictures, edit, and download.


That's not really the hard part.

After that,  I make a copy and date the picture and send it to another folder entitled 365.
I am so creative that way.  In a perfect world, I do this as soon as I post the picture.




It's really nice to keep them all in one folder and especially helpful when I make collages.  I use Pixlr.







I like to consolidate the pictures into three or four collages in case someone new stumbles on the blog and says, "What's this here!?  A picture a day?!  I'll take a look!"

And then they start scrolling through the pictures and the pictures keep going and going  and they are taking forever to download and then the computer get's jammed up and starts to smoke and the dear reader starts screaming  to the heavens.

I cannot be responsible for that.

So this shortens the page a little.


Only I  haven't done November yet.  In fact, I haven't copy and pasted the end of November's pictures yet either.   This is the last one I did....



So I have some catching up to do.  Next week I will have a little time off and I'm really hoping to give this blog the attention that I like to give it.
I love having a few blog posts started and a few finished in the draft file.
I love it when my 365 page is updated and all neat and tidy.
I will do what I can but sometimes everything falls apart and things don't go as planned.
So don't expect any miracles next week and I won't either.  

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My firstborn is kind of weird.  He's 100% country.  And about 25 % redneck.  Ok...maybe 45 % redneck.



He finished school.  He's a working man now.



As of yesterday he is working about two hours away and staying with my parents during the week.

Do you know what that means?  He is gone during the week.  For five months.

FIVE MONTHS

WEEKDAYS

No Darren.

It sure makes a momma sad.  And the rest of the family too.

But I guess this happens.  Kids grow up.  And....eventually they leave home.  I guess this is sort of breaking me in for the time when he doesn't live here at all.

In the meantime....when he comes home on the weekend,  I am going to spend every waking moment with him.  I will follow him around and when he leaves the house I will tell him he can only be gone for 30 minutes and that is MAX.  And when he goes into his room and shuts the door, I will wait outside and knock every minute and say, "Are you done yet?  When are you coming out?"

Ok.  I won't do any of those things.

The house seems a little empty these days.  Maybe after awhile I will get used to it.

Maybe not.

This house sure feels strange without him here.  Even though staying at my parents house will be nice....I hope he looks forward to coming home on the weekends.

I hope he always looks forward to coming home.

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Its winter.  So it was time to ditch the old wreath.


I took off the leaves.


I wrapped it in yarn.


This actually took quite awhile.  About a hour actually.

Then came the fun part.....

Making the pom pom's!!!

Here's one way to do it...

Start with a piece of cardboard.


Wrap the yarn around it.


Carefully pull the cardboard out so the yarn stays intact.
Then lay it on a string.


Bring the ends together and tie it as tight as you can.


Take scissors and snip through the loops.




Now it's time to trim.


It's fun!  I made several.


And then hot glue gunned them to the wreath.


And added a pink ribbon.  Why pink?  I have no idea.



But I like it.

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This is what happens when my sweet sister-in-law wanted a nice picture with her brothers and dad.






Come guys!  Pull it together!



Sigh...



After about twenty shots...I think this one is a keeper.

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My stomach.











My heart.

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I have been going to the same dentist for fourteen years.  He was very nice.  But very old.   As was his equipment.  

It was time for a change.  

As soon as I walked into my new dentist office....I knew I had made the right call.  For one thing....there were computers at the front desk.
And  hygienist cleaned my teeth.  Not the dentist.
And the x-rays!!!  My old dentist would peer at a tiny slide held up to a  fluorescent light with one eye shut.
Today I saw several images of my teeth on a TV screen.   And the dentist explained bone density, sinus cavities and jaw structure.

It was very pleasant.  And informative.

I have all four wisdom teeth and they are in good shape.  My gums are firm.  My teeth and roots are healthy.

And it's all because I never floss.

OK...they didn't tell me that.  After my exam I always mention it.   I smugly say, "I have only flossed four times in my whole life!  What do you think of that!?!"

They always say....there is no guarantees.

My boss always said, "Only floss the teeth you want to keep."

I should probably start.

But why mess with something that seems to be working for me?  I think the only secret I can share is that I brush my teeth for a long time.  Sometimes I walk around with a toothbrush in my mouth.

When I arrived at the office I filled out three pages of personal information and health history.

One of the questions was...."Please mark your response if you have or have not had any of the following diseases or problems."

High Blood Pressure
Heart Attack
Stroke......
Mental Health Disorder

What difference does that make?  Do I have to check yes?  And if I checked yes....I would have to "please explain."

Great.

I checked yes.  And wrote "clinical depression."

When the dentist came in and looked over my forms, I chatted nervously.

I wonder what he thought.

Maybe he didn't think anything.  Maybe he sees alot of those checked boxes and I am just one of hundreds.

Or maybe he thought, "Oh great.  Another loony.  What's she going to do?  Bite my fingers when I get close to her mouth?  Start singing 'It's a small world after all'?  In Portuguese?"

I did neither by the way.

I'm grateful that even though my mental health isn't the best, my teeth are darn near perfect.

If only they made this sort of floss....



 I would floss fourteen times a day.

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Have you ever made croutons?  You should try it.  Cut a thick loaf of bread or rolls into cubes.  Toss with melted butter and garlic power.  Bake in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes or so.

Try and eat less then five.   You won't be able to.  



I have cramps of the female sort today.  The cold weather intensifies them.   I took a shower to warm up.  When my boss was alive, we would run her lotion bottle under hot water to warm it.  It was so much more soothing.

I decided to try it for myself.  I took my lotion bottle in the shower with me and after I dried off, before I even got out,  I smeared the warm lotion on my legs.  

Why have I not done this before now?



Le Creuset is a brand of cast iron enamel cookware.  The manufacturer makes a variety of cookware but when I think of Le Creuset....this dutch oven is what I think of.

Mine is not Le Creuset.  It's from Target  (Giada De Laurentiis).  I absolutely love it.  I think the appeal is that it can go from stove top, to oven, to table.

I can brown the meat on the stove, slow cook it in the oven and then serve it right from the pot because it's so darn pretty.

Le Creuset has a gorgeous blue color.  If I could....I would purchase this....


Pretty!!!

And this set too...



The price is a tad hefty.  The first picture is a thousand bucks and the second is around five hundred.

Yikes.

That's why I don't have Le Creuset.
 I have Giada.
 From Target.  But it's still a great pot.  It's really heavy.  It cooks food evenly.  It's fairly easy to clean.  Mine was around a hundred dollars on sale.  It is a splurge.  But if you love cooking, you will use it often.

I was going to talk about the deer triplets I saw today on my bosses property but I wasn't sure how to tie it in....Croutons, Cramps, Creuset and Triplets?

That just doesn't make since.

But I guess this entire posts doesn't make alot of since.

It's just stuff I was thinking about today.

 This is a hard week for me.  Alot of reasons.  One is that every year for the past five, I traveled to Arizona with my boss to help her with Thanksgiving guests.  Maybe i'll post more on that later.  Maybe I won't.

I'm really teary tonight.  Just thinking about everything.  Her.  Changes in my house.  Changes in my life.  Some of it is good stuff.  But change is still hard.

Hey!  I could have named this post....Croutons, Cramps, Creuset and Change.

No.  That sounds weird.  I'll just leave it as is.

When my son was little he once called "croutons" "curtains".

Funny.

I must be tired.

I'll go now....

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