Sleep Study:  Normal.  Yep.  I asked if it was normal to lay awake from 2:00 am to 6:00 am.  The doctor just looked at me.  He told me he was hesitant to prescribe a sleeping pill to people with depression.  

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Here is the last few weeks in a nutshell....

~ I saw my beautiful Grandma. We had a really nice visit.  I love her so!

~  My mom and I went on a road trip to Missouri to see family.


This is my Grandpa and Lilly.


I saw this at their house.  It's a music box.  I remember winding it up when I was little.  Being around my family brought a lot of memories back.



My Aunt has had this picture for more then thirty years.  I love it.




My Aunt and her Granddaughter.

My Aunt can crochet like nobody's business.  I brought home a gorgeous blanket that she made.

I want to be like her when I grow up.


My beautiful cousins.


My Uncle and three of his five Grand kids.
He had just shown this something ridiculous on his IPad.

I spent quite a bit of time with my mom which was so nice. We talked and laughed alot.

I need to visit my family more often.

~Last week was spring break for Micah.  He wanted to go to a antique store so on Thursday I took him.  We stopped at Scooters first.....




I always find things that remind me of my childhood at antique stores.  




Micah found a few treasures and so did I.


~ Saturday the boys went riding.



They had a great time.


~ I "spring-ed" up my wreath with some green.


And that pretty much wraps up the last few weeks.
As for me....I'm doing OK.  Not the best.  Not the worst.  Just OK.  I see Jaime on Thursday which is a good thing.
I'm tired of not feeling good.  I need to see my doctor again.  But it's hard to keep trying new meds and being disappointed.
I'll keep you posted.

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The past few days I haven't been the best.
I keep going back instead of looking forward.
Dwelling on past mistakes.
Beating myself up.
Thinking about the lives I have damaged.  
Tearing my body apart.
Did you know that last week was Eating Disorder Awareness week?  Did you know that you can have a eating disorder and not be grouped in the usual suspects of anorexia and bulimia?
It's true.
When I feel bad inside I feel bad about myself on the outside.
I'm still not sleeping the best.  I haven't gotten any feedback from my sleep study yet.  I suppose I should call them.
My memory is terrible.
My mind is jumbled.  I read the same sentence four times and sometimes still don't understand it.
Which makes me feel stupid.

OK.

Enough complaining.  Let's talk about the good stuff.

I painted on Saturday and I liked it.

I stared at the white canvas for a long time.   I kept thinking, this is me.  Blank.   The past is wiped clean.  Don't look back.  Not even at yesterday.  Try your best today.

 




  I liked it.  I may even hang it up somewhere.
But I need to do it quick before I start to pick it apart.

Today after meeting we went to Culver's.



We spent the whole times on our phones.  I didn't mind.


A very sweet friend made me a afghan.




She is a cancer survivor.  She doesn't feel good about 50% of the time but always has a smile on her face.

I love her.


I made cookies today.  I had two for supper.
No wonder I have body issues.

This post is all over the road.  But that's me these days.  Happy for a hour.  Gloomy the next.

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