My husbands side of the family has just suffered a devastating loss.  We found out on Tuesday.  I was cleaning out my closet.  Moving the winter clothes downstairs and bringing the summer stuff up.  I was whining and complaining that I won't be able to fit into my summer clothes.  Then I found my exercise clothes and was wa-wa-wa-ing about not working out and that's why I can't fit into my summer clothes. 

Then we got the phone call.

How selfish and petty I felt. 

So many have lost.  He was a amazing husband, father, brother, grandfather and friend.  He touched the life of every single person he met.  He made you feel like you were the most important person in the world when he was talking to you. 

My husband is leaving tomorrow to be with the family. 

I'm thankful that I'm well enough for him to go.  That he feels confident enough to leave me alone. 

A few months ago I was so ill that I couldn't be left alone.  Not even for a moment.  I would have ran.  Or ended it. 

I am feeling so much better now.  I  shudder when I think of where I was.  That dark place.  It feels like a bad dream.

I'm so glad I woke up.

I can't be there for my husbands family.  But right now I am  strong enough for him to be. 

And that makes me feel really really good. 

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