I'm sorry honey.
Call it what you will, I need professional help. And it's expensive.
The bills have started rolling in. At first I opened them and stuck them in my purse. But then I checked my bank account and realized that I couldn't pay for them. So my husband took them. He told me not to worry about it. Don't even open them. Just give them to him.
But I do worry.
I feel bad for him.
He has been through so much as far as I am concerned and this is just another burden he has to bear.
It's not fair.
I won't go into a rant about health care. But it's ridiculous. Who could afford this? $168.00 for a one hour session.
As much as Jaime has helped me, I think during our sessions I should be served lunch. Or have a massage. Or at least offered a soda.
It's makes me want to quit going.
It makes me want to give the money to someone else who is worse off then me and cannot get help because they don't have a husband who will take the bill and they will suffer and hurt and live in turmoil for the rest of their lives because they can't afford to do anything about it.
This is only for a few visits. It takes months for everything to go through insurance first.
Don't get me wrong, I am glad I have insurance to pay for some of it. I'm not sure if I could stomach going if I didn't.
I'm not sure who has 600 plus dollars laying around but it's not us. So they will get paid when they get paid.
And don't get me started on the pills I take. Right now I am living off of samples from a very generous doctor. But they will run out and we have been warned that insurance may deny paying for them and they are very expensive.
Having a mental illness is depressing in more ways then one.
We could go on a awesome vacation with this money.
I could get a pedicure once a month for five years.
I could help my boy out with gas for his truck.
I could go on and on and on.
I realize that I need to view this as a treatment that is life saving. Because it is. It's hard enough to go every week. Its even harder knowing how much it costs.
I know I won't need it forever. At least I hope I won't. For now I will force myself to go. And not think about the costs involved. Because the costs of not going would be greater.
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