I'm at work.  It's 2:55 and I have one more shirt to iron.  At 3:00 a friend of the bosses (let's call her Joan) is coming to drop off soup.  She has wanted to drop off soup for about a week but "food drop" off is very stressful for the boss.  She feels bad if we don't invite the dropper offer (!) inside.

 But she's not up for company. 

 And she doesn't like alot of food in the refrigerator.

 And she doesn't really like food anymore either.

 But she still has to eat.  And so does her husband.  And quite frankly...I am all for food being dropped off because that means I don't have to help her figure out what's for dinner.
 
I hear the garage go up.  It's the bosses husband.  He has been traveling for a couple of days.   The dogs go crazy.  I let them out because the dogs barking drive HER crazy.

The gate buzzes.  It's Joan. I open the gates.  I rush and greet the bosses husband  and help him with his bags and then run outside to meet Joan.

"Hi Joan!  I'm so sorry but the husband just got home, and it's kind of hectic inside now and she just doesn't want any company.  Please understand...she really does want to see you, it's just not a good time."

Joan is amazing and Joan understands.  She gives me a hug and I start to cry and she says mighty good things about me and I shush her because it is so very hard to take a compliment.

I lug in a huge bag of four different kinds of soup.  Three for freezing and one for dinner.  I quietly rearrange the already packed freezer so I can stuff the soups in there. The boss and her husband are in  the kitchen.

The phone rings.  I always answer it.  It's Ruth.

Ruth: How is the boss today?
Amy:  She's good!  (I'm lying.  But the boss is 20 feet away from me so what can I say?)
Ruth:  Did she get to go out of town with the husband?
Amy: No, no she didn't.
Ruth:  How did that make her feel?
Amy: UH....I'm not sure.
Ruth:  Your not sure?
Amy:  Right.  Yes that's right. 
Ruth: How does she feel about the nurses coming?
Amy:  UH....I don't know.

At this point I want to scream at Ruth and call her a idiot.

Ruth:  I would like to bring dinner sometime.
Amy:  OK...maybe next week?
Ruth:  I'll email you.
Amy: Great.

I hurry and put the rest of the soups away. I'll text Ruth later to explain.  The boss wants to know who it is and what did she want.  I told her who and about the food.

"I don't want anymore food!"

"I know.  I know.  I told her so."

I unpack the husbands stuff.  I only have till 4:00 to wrap things up so I can greet the nurse.  I turn down the bed, get the dog food ready for the next day, finish the shirt, put the ironing stuff away.  Clean the laundry room counters, mop the floor and vacuum the rugs.  It's 74 degrees in that house and I am sweating.  The heat makes me crazy.

The boss is wearing a coat and a sweater.  She can't get warm.

The phone rings...it's another friend.

"How is the boss?  When can I come and see her?"

"We will see...not today.  Not tomorrow....call again on Thursday".

The husband makes a business call in the laundry room. I think he does this to make me crazy.   The gate rings.  It's the nurse.  I hurry to meet her and say...."Please come in fast so the dogs don't go crazy.  The husband is on the phone right inside".

She obeys.

The dogs still go crazy. 

 The husband scowls at me and the dogs.

 I take the nurse to my boss.

 My boss says,"I need Joan's number."

I take out my phone, find Joan's number and say, "319...."

"No, no, no!  It's starts with a 9! Go look in my Rolodex".

I don't tell her that I have been talking to Joan almost every day for the past week to try and coordinate the drop off.  And that my number is right.

I go to her office and search.

I look under her last name.

"I can't find it."

"Try under her first name!"

"Found it!  It's 319-****"

The boss says, "Oh."

The gate rings.  It's the pharmacy.  I open the gates.   I need those medication for my bosses husband.  I wait outside.  I hear the dogs barking.  Where is the driver?!?

I call the farm manager.

"Where is the driver?  I just let him in but he's not here?"

"Oh ya.  The pharmacy guy gave me the pills.  Do you need them today?  I'm at the shop."

"YES!  I'm waiting outside!"

The farm manager swings by and throws them out the window.  Not really but he's ticked he had to come back over.

I'm ticked I'm still at work.

We are both in bad, fussy moods.  Just regular people trying to make the rich extremely comfortable.

I go back inside.  I hug my boss goodbye.  She gives me a small container of soup.

 She asks,"Is that enough for your family?"

She's dying and she thinking of my family.  I lie and tell her yes, it's plenty.

On my way home I get some milk and the ice cream pictured above.  I put a casserole in the oven.  But I am starving so I dump the soup in a pan.  I can't wait.  Ive had a English Muffin today and that is all.  I eat a bowl full of cold soup.  It wasn't so bad.

I eat the ice cream.  It is WAY overrated.  It tastes nothing like chocolate cake.  What a sad disappointment.    

I write this post.

I reread this post.

It doesn't really make since.

Or give you an idea of how chaotic my job is.  You would have to hear the noises.

 The dogs.

 My boss, giving me instructions while the phone is ringing.

 Telling me what to say while I'm listening to the other person.  After I had just told the other person that the boss "Is not available."

That's what we say...."She's not available". 

 Not...."She can't come to the phone".  "She can't breathe".  "She can't talk very well".  "She needs to save her energy for other things".  Or,  "She just plain doesn't want to talk to you".

I say, "I'm so sorry.  She's not available.  Can I give her a message for you?"

I think I'm a little stressed out.  

I'm feeling really weird these days.  Like there are two of me.   There's the "Amy" at work who is dynamite when it comes to keeping it all together and who can pacify and calm and comfort everyone and everything. Pressure and problems are something that happens daily but she can solve and remember and can turn a bad situation into a good one.  She is praised for being the best at what she does.

 Then there is the Amy at home who can barely form a complete sentence tonight and has the hardest time keeping anything together.

 She falls apart on a regular basis.

That Amy would never survive under the other Amy's work conditions.  Maybe that Amy IS the way she is because of the work Amy.

Wow.  Read that sentence again.  I just confused myself.  

If you had any doubt that I was crazy.....here you go.  I just handed you the craziness on a silver platter that my boss has about twenty of.

We are going camping this weekend.  Two days of not answering the phone, counting pills, fielding questions, making everyone happy.

Until then...Can you please just tell everyone that I'm not available?  Can you just take a message for me?  Thank you.   

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