A few nights ago,  I  helped my boss with her bedtime routine.  After she was in bed I hugged her bony shoulders and kissed her cheek.  She said, "I love you.  I can't thank you enough for all you do."

I said, "I love you.  I would do anything for you."

I really want to take care of her all by myself.  I want to help her 24/7.   But I can't.  It's impossible and completely unrealistic.   Jaime always said that I hate not being in control.  It's true.  I want to do it all.  But I can't.  I have to let it go.  I have to have help. 

Her sons agree that it's time for in home care.

 I agree too. 

I am exhausted.  I am mentally, physically, and emotionally fried.  I work long days. I work weekends.   I am a zombie by the time I get home.  Then when it's time for sleep, my brain won't shut off. 

I worry about her. 

I dream about her. 

Nurse care starts on Saturday.  Just for the morning and evenings.

I am relieved.

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