Yesterday was my day off.  I ran around most of the morning and afternoon.  I got a pedicure.


Which is a bit ridiculous since no one will see my toes.

But it sure felt good and the design makes me happy.

I realized that I will never wake up and say, "I am finally happy!  Wow!  That was a long haul but I actually beat this thing!"

I have happy moments.  I was at Costco yesterday and passed by some samples.  I overheard a little kid ask his mom..

"Can I have one more?"

"No."

"But why?"

"Because you already had one."

"But why?"

I remember those "but why" days.  

I smiled thinking about when my boys were little.  

So that was a happy moment.

But then I saw someone that I knew and I didn't want them to see me.  I got that burning feeling in my chest and it shot straight to my face.  I rushed to the check out line.  I couldn't find my Costco card.  I almost burst into tears.  I told myself over and over....You are so unorganized!  Why can't you keep it together!  You are so stupid!

Poof!  Happiness gone.

It's hard to shake those negative voices. It makes me so tired.  I wanted to go straight to bed after I got home.


Today was better.  The work day went fast.  I found this....



I wondered if she put the thread between her lips to make it easier.

I texted her son.

"Did she do that?"

"Always."

"Did she need glasses to see the needle eye?"

"When she got older she did."

"OK.  Thank you."

It was just important for me to know.

Tomorrow will be busy.  We are in the process of moving Micah downstairs.  So the house is tore apart.  I am trying not to freak out about it.  Sometimes I look at all the stuff I have and I feel smothered.  And I have so many projects that I want to do.  I was clearing out a cabinet and came across all my photo albums.  It took everything I had to just put them in a tote and close the lid.  I really wanted to go through all of them and eliminate pictures I don't need.  But I don't have time for that right now.

I am very anxious and nervous these days. Can you tell?  By the end of the day tomorrow I will have some answers about some things.

I hope that my mind will be calmer.  I hope that Sunday will be relaxing and that I will feel some peace.

I hope.

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