OK, she's not really a doctor.  But she should be.

Every time  I'm on my way to see her...I tell myself that I don't need to.  And when I first get there.. I go on and on about how life is so grand.

And then she waits.
And then I tell her how I'm really feeling.
And then the tears come.
And then she starts to reassure me.

You are a good person.
You are not perfect and that is OK.
You are stronger then you think.
You are stronger then you think.  

She told me today that she read an article how a depressed persons brain looks healthier when it is on medication.  And when a person goes off of it...it actually damages the brain.  Scientific fact!

I think she is afraid I will go off my meds.  I won't.  But there is always that voice.  It's either....

"I am so happy that I don't need medication anymore!"

(which is a oxymoron)

Or...

"I am so unhappy the medication must not be working!"

Medication does not cure you.  I sure wish it did.  But it's like a Tylenol.  It will dull the headache but the headache is still there.  It just helps you get through the day.

Sometimes I walk out her door and I don't feel any better.

Today I felt stronger.

So I blasted the song above on my way to Costco and sang at the top of my lungs.

Call me crazy for liking it.

But I guess I sort of am.

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