I wish I could describe what depression feels like. Maybe some people would understand it better. I keep scouring the internet for a quote or description that adequetly describes the torment that it brings.
I found this....
It's fairly accurate. I was thinking about who depressions "friends" would be. One is Mr Low Self Esteem. Another could be Ms. Self Harm. I am grateful that I am not dealing with that. I will admit that I have done some things.....squeezed a ice cube in my hand, pinched myself with clothespins, rocked a knife on my arms but didn't break the skin. I understand cutters and other self harmers. You just want to feel. Something. Even if it hurts. It kind of reinforces that you are alive. That you are a person.
I found this one too. It made me laugh. Strength? Courage? Ha! That is NOT me.
But then I saw this....
I felt a little weepy. Because right now....compliments feel like a dagger in my heart. They make me cringe. I don't feel worthy of them. Or I think the person is lying. I hope one day, I will believe nice words about me.
The picture at the top of my post.... I stopped in the middle of the road and took it with my phone. When I saw that tree, the foggy road, it reminded me of how I feel. That dark tree with it's ugly branches just waiting to ruin my day. My life. To snatch hold of me and squeeze the life out of me. And the air.. It's foggy and cloudy and sometimes its hard to breathe because it's so thick.
But I also saw some light. Not so far away. In the sky. That's my hope. The tree will always be there. But maybe it's clutches won't be as tight. And I'll be able to speed past it. And the road will be clear. Maybe then I'll believe in nice words. I'll accept them as truth.
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