Remember that scene in the movie Pure Luck when Eugene Proctor (Martin Short) gets stung by a bee? He is deathly allergic to bee stings. Raymond (Danny Glover) turns around and looks at Eugene and he is swollen and obviously in trouble.
Raymond: Are you Alright??!?!!
Eugene: Fine! You?
His head has swollen to the size of a beach ball. It is quite apparent that he is NOT alright.
Some things are obvious.
Other things....not so much.
People who suffer from depression are experts at hiding things. They can smile and laugh and be successful. They can carry on for years and years and no one would ever know that inside they feel like dying.
For instance.....
Here I am, on a trip with my boss, all dolled up for a formal event, looking happy right?
This moment in my life was one of the lowest I have ever felt. You would never have guessed it though. I was helpful, cheerful and down right charming.
But inside, I wanted to die.
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My point is....It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you did not know. It's not your fault that you had no clue that your mother, father, sister, friend, co-worker is suffering inside.
Depressed people feel like they are good at ONE THING. Hiding. Lying. Pretending. Sometimes our whole goal in life is to make everyone else happy. God forbid if someone worried about us! Or found out we weren't perfect!
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You know what?
It's exhausting. To pretend. To lie. To hide.
And a person can't keep up with that forever. The shell gets harder and harder and pretty soon you can't get out. So you just fall into yourself. You lay down. And you quit trying. You quit living. And you wait. Your to weak to call out for help. And you really don't want it anyway.
But then...someone who loves you finds the biggest jack hammer in the world and starts chipping away until the shell shatters.
And there you are. Broken and weak. They hold out their hand. And you can't reach it because you have no strength. That's when they put their arms around you and lift you up.
Hold on tight. Don't let me go. I'll get better. I am going to be ok. I am going to be real. No more lying, pretending, hiding. It's all out there. Read every line. It's a scary, dark story.
But I have hope.
And I know the ending is going to be pretty darn good.
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