On July 10th I wrote a post called "I Have Some Questions."

Now I have some answers.

1) Will she die at home?  No

2) How long will she be bedridden? Not at all

3) Or will she even be bedridden?  I am so thankful that she wasn't.  

4) Will it be peaceful?  For the most part...yes.

5)  Will it be agony for her?  No.  The months before were agony.  But not the morning she died. 

6)  How will I feel?  Shock?  Sadness?  Relief?  That morning I only felt shock.  And fear.  

7)  Will I be there?  No.  I arrived a half hour after the ambulance left.  I'm glad I didn't see her. 

8)  If I am not there, will I be sad and disappointed that I missed her last breath?  No.

9)  Who will I hug first?  Her daughter in law.  Then her husband.  

10)  What will be the first phone call that I make?  The first person to call ME was her son.  He asked if I was ok.  Her son.  Asked if I was ok!  The first person I called was one of her very good friends.  It was awful.  I only had to tell two other of her friends after that.  

11)  Will the family push me out because I am not "family?"  No.  On the contrary...they included me in everything.  They hugged and cried with me.  I was with them the entire week.   

12)  Will a nurse be there?  Will hospice be involved?  No and No.  Both I am thankful for. 

13)Will she have that last spurt of energy that I have heard about?  Yes.  The week before I honestly thought she was going to get better.  The Wednesday before she died was an incredible day.  I am so glad that I was with her for that. 

14) During her last days will she turn angry and say things she doesn't mean?  No.  She did get very frustrated.  But not mean. 

15)  Will she talk to people who are not there?  No.  She never lost her mind. 

16)  Does the death rattle really sound like a "rattle"?  I have no clue.

17) Will she stop eating and drinking?  Yes.  The day before her death.  

18)  Will I get to say goodbye?  No.  And surprisingly...I am ok with that. I was with her on Saturday night for four hours.  We talked and laughed a little.  I told her goodbye that night.  And that I would see her on Monday.  

19)  How much time do I have left with her?  One day shy of two months.

20)  HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE LEFT WITH HER?  Not nearly enough.