Sleep Study:  Normal.  Yep.  I asked if it was normal to lay awake from 2:00 am to 6:00 am.  The doctor just looked at me.  He told me he was hesitant to prescribe a sleeping pill to people with depression.  

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Here is the last few weeks in a nutshell....

~ I saw my beautiful Grandma. We had a really nice visit.  I love her so!

~  My mom and I went on a road trip to Missouri to see family.


This is my Grandpa and Lilly.


I saw this at their house.  It's a music box.  I remember winding it up when I was little.  Being around my family brought a lot of memories back.



My Aunt has had this picture for more then thirty years.  I love it.




My Aunt and her Granddaughter.

My Aunt can crochet like nobody's business.  I brought home a gorgeous blanket that she made.

I want to be like her when I grow up.


My beautiful cousins.


My Uncle and three of his five Grand kids.
He had just shown this something ridiculous on his IPad.

I spent quite a bit of time with my mom which was so nice. We talked and laughed alot.

I need to visit my family more often.

~Last week was spring break for Micah.  He wanted to go to a antique store so on Thursday I took him.  We stopped at Scooters first.....




I always find things that remind me of my childhood at antique stores.  




Micah found a few treasures and so did I.


~ Saturday the boys went riding.



They had a great time.


~ I "spring-ed" up my wreath with some green.


And that pretty much wraps up the last few weeks.
As for me....I'm doing OK.  Not the best.  Not the worst.  Just OK.  I see Jaime on Thursday which is a good thing.
I'm tired of not feeling good.  I need to see my doctor again.  But it's hard to keep trying new meds and being disappointed.
I'll keep you posted.

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The past few days I haven't been the best.
I keep going back instead of looking forward.
Dwelling on past mistakes.
Beating myself up.
Thinking about the lives I have damaged.  
Tearing my body apart.
Did you know that last week was Eating Disorder Awareness week?  Did you know that you can have a eating disorder and not be grouped in the usual suspects of anorexia and bulimia?
It's true.
When I feel bad inside I feel bad about myself on the outside.
I'm still not sleeping the best.  I haven't gotten any feedback from my sleep study yet.  I suppose I should call them.
My memory is terrible.
My mind is jumbled.  I read the same sentence four times and sometimes still don't understand it.
Which makes me feel stupid.

OK.

Enough complaining.  Let's talk about the good stuff.

I painted on Saturday and I liked it.

I stared at the white canvas for a long time.   I kept thinking, this is me.  Blank.   The past is wiped clean.  Don't look back.  Not even at yesterday.  Try your best today.

 




  I liked it.  I may even hang it up somewhere.
But I need to do it quick before I start to pick it apart.

Today after meeting we went to Culver's.



We spent the whole times on our phones.  I didn't mind.


A very sweet friend made me a afghan.




She is a cancer survivor.  She doesn't feel good about 50% of the time but always has a smile on her face.

I love her.


I made cookies today.  I had two for supper.
No wonder I have body issues.

This post is all over the road.  But that's me these days.  Happy for a hour.  Gloomy the next.

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I had the privilege of taking this handsome young man's senior pictures.

I think I just aged ten years by saying "handsome young man."

He wanted them done at the library.

Which  I thought was pretty cool.











The one below is my favorite.  I'm not sure why.  But I love it.



I had such a good time taking his pictures.  And at the end, he said that he did too.

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Etsy is my time waster.  I can spend hours looking at all the handmade goodies.  So when it came time to purchase some prints for my walls, of course I looked on Etsy. 

 JanetHillStudios has been in my "favorite" list for a long time. 
I was so excited to finally have her work in my bedroom. 

This one is my favorite.


  Those pictures calm me.

Moving on to the  guest bedroom.


The lower print is from one of my favorite shops called TheWheatfield. 




I have a print from that shop in my office that I love. 



Her art just makes me happy.

Prints are a whole lot cheaper then original artwork but they still can be 25 to 35 dollars a pop. 

I was out of money. 

So I looked into shops that offered digital download. 

I "favorited" a shop called LilyLaManch and she messaged me offering a "buy 2 get 2 free" deal.

The prints were only five bucks. 

Sold!


I bought two and picked out four prints.  She sent a file to my email and I printed them off at home. 

I like the way it turned out. 

This wall is also in the guest room.


I bought these adorable kitchen towels at Anthropologie and put them in hoops. 


And that completes my little art tour. 

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My doctor ordered a sleep study for me.  Sleep disorders can cause depression.  Or depression can cause sleep disorders.  If you have a sleep disorder, sometimes that can be treated and then the depression goes away.

I'm pretty sure that it's my depression that's causing me not to sleep.  Not the other way around.  But I listened to the doctor and had a sleep study last night.




I arrived at 7:30 pm.   My sleep tech was a guy.  That was awkward.  He made sure I was comfortable and then left me alone till about 9:30.  I watched four episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

Then he came in and attached electrodes to my head, leg and chest.




All the wires were connected to this box.


It was all very strange.  There was a video camera that pointed right at the bed.  They watch you. They are listening too.
It creeped me out.
I did fall asleep though.  I only remember one dream.  It was about Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials.  I met her in real life and she was 6 foot 3.

I had to wear a cannula.  There wasn't oxygen flow.  It was just to measure my breathing.  After awhile my ears began to ache from the tubes.  I kept thinking of my boss.  She had terrible sores on her ears.  We tried putting pads on them.  Nothing really helped.  It made me so sad thinking about it.

Then I wondered if the electrodes on my head was telling them that I was sad.  Could they tell if I had a song in my head?
I hope not.
I kept going back and forth from "Brave" by Sara Bareilles and "C is for Cookie" by Cookie Monster.

The tech came in only once during the night to reattach a electrode that had moved.  Then he came in again at 6 to wake me up.

I was already awake.

I'm anxious to hear what the information all says about me.  He said someone would call in five to ten days.

It could be nothing.

It could be something.

Either way....I really hope I don't have to do this again.

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I think this picture is hysterical.

Micah needed braces and today was the day.  He got six total.  In about six months he will get a full set.

Yesterday he drank his last Mountain Dew.  We were told that Mountain Dew was the absolute worst pop for teeth.

I am not paying five thousand dollars for his teeth and then have them rot and fall out.




He cried.  Real tears!

I'm joking.

Here is my metal mouth cutie.


He was great.  He is a little sore this evening.
Now hopefully he will stick with the brushing four times a day (!) and limit himself on sugary foods.

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