The past few days I haven't been the best.
I keep going back instead of looking forward.
Dwelling on past mistakes.
Beating myself up.
Thinking about the lives I have damaged.  
Tearing my body apart.
Did you know that last week was Eating Disorder Awareness week?  Did you know that you can have a eating disorder and not be grouped in the usual suspects of anorexia and bulimia?
It's true.
When I feel bad inside I feel bad about myself on the outside.
I'm still not sleeping the best.  I haven't gotten any feedback from my sleep study yet.  I suppose I should call them.
My memory is terrible.
My mind is jumbled.  I read the same sentence four times and sometimes still don't understand it.
Which makes me feel stupid.

OK.

Enough complaining.  Let's talk about the good stuff.

I painted on Saturday and I liked it.

I stared at the white canvas for a long time.   I kept thinking, this is me.  Blank.   The past is wiped clean.  Don't look back.  Not even at yesterday.  Try your best today.

 




  I liked it.  I may even hang it up somewhere.
But I need to do it quick before I start to pick it apart.

Today after meeting we went to Culver's.



We spent the whole times on our phones.  I didn't mind.


A very sweet friend made me a afghan.




She is a cancer survivor.  She doesn't feel good about 50% of the time but always has a smile on her face.

I love her.


I made cookies today.  I had two for supper.
No wonder I have body issues.

This post is all over the road.  But that's me these days.  Happy for a hour.  Gloomy the next.

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