On Friday I met with a nurse practitioner named Maggie.  Before I saw her I had to fill out a load of paper work.  Pages and pages of  "always, sometimes, not very often or never".  I felt like I was in school.

When filling out mental health forms I am always proud of myself that I can say "never" to questions like...

"Do you pick fights?"

"Do you steal things?"

"Do you see people who aren't really there?"

I always think, "See?  I'm not so bad off after all."

But then there are other questions.  Questions that I would rather not be truthful about.  Because they make me sad.   But I mark my answers the best that I can.

Maggie called me into her office.  She had a sweet face and a warm voice.  She looked younger then me.  By alot.

But that didn't matter.  She really knew her stuff.

She told me to start from the beginning.  In a nutshell.

Oh boy.

So I go through my whole story.  Of course I end up crying and she promptly hands me the Kleenex box.  I bet she has a whole cabinet full of them.

She is typing furiously as I'm talking.

After about 45 minutes she reaches the verdict.

The Viibryd isn't working.  She  increased my Wellbutrin dosage because I seem to be feeling better with that. Once my body is used to the higher dosage (around two weeks) then I will cut my Viibryd  in half.  I do that for two weeks then go in to see her.  Then she will prescribe me Zoloft.

The only bad part is that going off of Viibryd even slowly can cause withdrawal symptoms.  Meanwhile I'll be starting a new drug that may have side effects.  She warned me that I may feel worse before I feel better.

I can handle that as long as I'm prepared for it.

We did talk about ECT.  She said that it is extremely affective and the results are immediate.
But I haven't exhausted all the medications so I'm not at the end of the road yet.

She wrapped up things with me and gave me her card.  And another card with a suicide hotline number on it.

That made me shudder a bit.

But I guess look at where I'm at.

So that is that.

I am hopeful.

Meanwhile, I have a little more energy.  I planted some flowers this weekend.



I went through all my summer clothes and shoes.




There is no way I could have done this even a few weeks ago.

So that is progress.  I'm not all the way there yet.  But I feel like I can breathe a little easier.

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